we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize