My liver just broke up with me...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
