I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
