shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
