Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
