So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
