From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
