lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
