So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
