he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
