We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
