uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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