you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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