I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
