planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
