so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
