Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We just shotgunned beers for America
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
