Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
