i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
