Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
