So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
