Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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