I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
