I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
