you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
