I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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