I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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