So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
