So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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