Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize