I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
