I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
