id be glad to
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
