its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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