ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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