and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
