it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
