i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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