Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
