Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
