Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
