Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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