just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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