I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
