I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
