I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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