chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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