When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
