Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
