Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
