You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
