Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
