So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
