Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm like, not good at living.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize