He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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