Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
