Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
