We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The air taste purple.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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