Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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