Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
