her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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