if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
