Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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