just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
