I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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